My body quickly forgets that life is on my side.
Even after years of healing, my animal suit tries to protect me from disappointment by attempting to control outcomes.
It wasn’t safe to be open and soft as a child. And if I put my guard down, my environment quickly reminded me to put it back up. That reminder often came as a surprise, out of left field, catching me vulnerable, reinforcing the need for more protection, more layers.
Sometimes, everything outside of me proves true my conditioned belief that life is not on my side—I am the only one on my side.
When my heart is closed, and my fire is kept neatly at bay below my diaphragm, with shallow breaths and busyness, of course, the reality I project is one of disappointment, compromise, and smallness.
And if I stay like this for a while, my inner world starts to crumble too.
It’s harder to meditate, harder to breathe deeply, and my health suffers. Opportunities for a return to wellness seem few and far between. I start to make decisions that are not in my best interest, and I compromise on who I really am and what I truly want, right and left. My mind can justify it all because: life is not on my side anyway. I need to keep myself safe.
And then I remembered something.
It could be out of the blue during a meditation, reading a book, or listening to a friend talk.
I remember that I can ask for help.
I can’t believe I forgot this. But I have people, within and without, who have my best interest at heart, who love me unconditionally, to whom I am a gift. My body needs convincing, but my knowing is clear: guidance is always around the corner if I ask.
And when I do, I get one breadcrumb and then the other. When I stay in the discomfort of receiving love—because at first, it’s not natural—I open myself up to receiving a love that needs nothing in return, a love that comes from a place that is already full, it does not need me to fill it up in exchange.
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Then my heart softens and opens, and I get another breadcrumb: an understanding, a new insight, a new opening. My heart softens even more, and there I am, back home, knowing again, like for the first time, that life is on my side.
Life is on your side.
Not because it needs something from you
But just because. Because you are you.
That’s enough.
Put your guard down, soften your heart, and allow yourself to receive her love.
Life loves you, without conditions, with no opposite.
Soften your edges and let life’s love in.
Join me on September 21st for The Alchemy of Trust workshop. Deepen your trust, embrace vulnerability, and unlock your path to greater fulfillment.
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This blog post was originally published in September 2021
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