Many of us who grew up learning to please in order to belong and to be seen. That was how love was modeled. We have this twisted belief that boundaries are unkind, unsafe, restrictive, not loving, and not generous. What we weren’t told is that without healthy boundaries we wither, dry out, shrivel and disappear. Not to be dramatic but many of us will give what we don’t have trying to fill a hole in others that can’t be filled until we reach the end of our precious supply and die. I see it all the time. The fear of losing “love” is so strong that disappearing is more appealing. But no one benefits from you leaving. What we need is your light. And for that you have to protect it, fiercely.

If you have kids you know you wouldn’t let them deplete their resources with a person that sucks life out of people. You wouldn’t. You would protect them from the predator with all that you’ve got until they learn to do it on their own. We have to do this for ourselves, be our own mama bear to us, a...